Today, I had occasion to go near one of the hospitals my late wife worked at. She worked there off and on for over six years.
We often met for lunch at a very small Mexican Restaurant near there. The food is some of the best in town, and she and I were often the only two English speakers in there. It is in truth, my particular favorite place to have Mexican food.
I thought of nothing other than, as I had not been near there for nearly a year, I would have reason to go and enjoy my favorite burrito in town. In truth, thoughts of Barbara intruded not at all. My only thoughts were of my eagerness for the wonderful taste of the foods to come.
As I sat at the table, they brought the usual chips and salsa, and a unique dip that they make there.
It's not very good, consisting largely of Kraft Salad Dressing (a particular Americanism of artificial mayonnaise with a very distinctive sweet flavor) and mixed in it is dried spices, Mrs. Dash, chili powder and the like.
I never cared for it much, as it is just not very good. However, Barbara loved it, and ate bowls of it while waiting for our orders over the years. It was set before me as always, alongside the deep red salsa I ate.
Without thinking, I did as I always had done for Barbara, and dipped a single chip, first into the red salsa, then the white, so that she could enjoy her favorite, the combination of both flavors.
Then I realized, she was not across from me, to take it, and say ‘Thank you’
I put it back in the bowl, took a picture of it, so that I would remember it when the taste has faded. I ate it, so that for one last time, I could taste a thing she so enjoyed and that I will never try again. Then sat and thought for a very long while, of many things.
I spent a long hour, eating my cold and tasteless burrito, and the other foods I have loved for so many years.
I will not be returning there I think.
Report a Policy Violation
the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community.
Follow us on Twitter
Become a fan on Facebook
Comments
Take care,
Terry
--
"Up is a direction diametrically opposed to down" =druid69
--
you wont remember my name, til it's written in stone.
--
It's not what you see its how you see it
My Stock-
--
meet me at the back of the black bus...
I hate this process.
the part where regular everyday living seems mundane. and yes tasteless.
--
\"Maybe it’s in the basement, let me go up stairs and check.\" - M.C Escher
for your wall
I am in truth, trying my damndedest to not lock away the worst of the feelings away, especially the horrific ones related to her mental illness (bipolar disorder - whatever the PC Term is now)
I am just, careful of what I write. I am not bothered by speaking ill of the dead, she was onee bitch on wheels, with those cool sword spikes on the rims like on the Chariot in Gladiator.
I just know that one day, this body of work will be read by my children, one of which (my son) was too young to have seen most of her failings, and also by my daughter who also knows of them, but would in her own way, speak of them.
My grief counseling is regular, and the one common thread through the entire process has been, let the grief go where it will. I do that.
I just dont write about the things she did to me, that hurt me so deeply. I deal with them in other ways.
Perhaps one day, they will need to be brought out in words, I don't know, but for the now, my skill is not such that I can write to YOU and have you feel what it was to be the subject of her madness.
I choose to write, and try and get you the reader, for just a moment, to feel what it is I was feeling.
I would not have anyone I care about ever feel like she made me feel in those dark times.
I am healing Terry, tryuly healing, and am much the better for your comments, and your constant friendship.
be well my friend
John
--
Do not be angry. Do not worry, Be grateful, Work with integrity, Be kind to others.
I sought in writing it, to bring just a single feeling to the front, to your mind, and to add nothing more, or leave anything out, which would detract from it.
I sought for you to feel just for a second, the emptiness of the chair across from me.
I am glad I succeeded in some measure.
The passing of my wife, was near a year ago, so I am well into the healing proicess. It is these simple, unlooked for moments that catch one unawares, that bring rise to it again.
Be well
John
--
Do not be angry. Do not worry, Be grateful, Work with integrity, Be kind to others.
--
"Children are the anchors that hold a mother to life."
~Sophocles~
"Life is a flame that is always burning itself out, but it catches fire again every time a child is born."
~George Bernard Shaw~
The grief is a process, and one I am well into. The pain, is much much less with times passing. It is still of course something that will in some measure alwauys be a part of me. But it is almost a wiostfulness at times, not pain....
I thank god, shehe arranged it that way.
I write, to try to give to you a bit of feeling of what it is to be, just for that second, me.
That I did so, is my payment for my labor.
be well my friend
John
--
Do not be angry. Do not worry, Be grateful, Work with integrity, Be kind to others.
I think there will always be moments of time, a shock of red hair in a crowd, a familiar gesture on another's hand, a similar voice, that will awaken memory, but I also know that there will be many times in between them too, where I will have a measure of peace.
The mundane, the tasteless, are but steps on the way to you redefining your world, without the loved one. It will pass as you learn who you are now.
John
--
Do not be angry. Do not worry, Be grateful, Work with integrity, Be kind to others.
Previous Page12345Next Page